I want to draw everything
I want to know everybody
I want grades that will support me when I’m old
But there is this wall
for it is so tall and so thick I cannot see or hear beyond it
This heavy wall is falling on me and I can feel it in my chest everyday
and I move this wall, try my best to push it away
so I can see hope
it’s not there. I. Just. Can’t. feel it
For I am I blind fool with faith that there just might be crack
I want it so bad
to feel this ache, this pressure relax
just for a moment or by the grace of God, forever.
please just a second
please just a second
because you see, every moment that I let that weight settle onto me,
every moment that I do not fight it back
dought slithers into my mind like an oiled snake
maybe I can’t draw everything
maybe I can’t know everybody
maybe my grades won’t open to freedom
every way I think there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me
what am I going to do once I’m done
I’m at a free fall in the slope of unwanted options
maybe there is not light at the end of the tunnel for me
This poem I wrote at 6:59 pm 3.21.15. I am a sophomore in High school with Finals and Exams coming up. This poem depicts how i feel. What will I do if I don’t past. How will this affect my future. Where is the light? And let me be clear I am not afraid of the exams, I just hate the pressure. What I am afraid of is me. I know me. And if 5 finals and 1 Exam makes me want to hide under a rock, what’s going to happen to me Junior year, when I have 4 exams, cheerleadering, link crew, and me trying my best to get my certificate in Dental assisting. What will happen to me then?
This is me a year and five days later 3/25/16 looking through my old drafts saying damn that wall fell down so long ago I didn’t even remember it. The pressure lifted, you learned laughed and made it. It feels good to make it.