Pressure and Transition

I want to draw everything

I want to know everybody

I want grades that will support me when I’m old

But there is this wall

for it is so tall and so thick I cannot see or hear beyond it

This heavy wall is falling on me and I can feel it in my chest everyday

and  I move this wall, try my best to push it away

so I can see hope

it’s not there. I. Just. Can’t. feel it

For I am I blind fool with faith that there just might be crack

I want it so bad

to feel this ache, this pressure relax

just for a moment or by the grace of God, forever.

please just a second

please just a second

because you see, every moment that I let that weight settle onto me,

every moment that I do not fight it back

dought slithers into my mind like an oiled snake

maybe I can’t draw everything

maybe I can’t  know everybody

maybe my grades won’t open to freedom

every way  I think there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me

what am I going to do once I’m done

I’m at a free fall in the slope of unwanted options

maybe there is not light at the end of the tunnel for me

This poem  I wrote at 6:59 pm 3.21.15. I  am a sophomore  in High school  with Finals and  Exams  coming  up.  This  poem  depicts how i  feel. What  will  I  do  if I don’t past. How  will this affect my  future. Where is  the light? And let me be clear I am not afraid of the  exams, I just hate the pressure. What I am afraid  of is me. I know me. And if 5 finals and 1 Exam makes me want to hide under a rock, what’s going to happen to me Junior year, when I have 4 exams, cheerleadering, link crew, and me trying my best to get my certificate in Dental assisting. What will happen to me then?

This is me a year and five days  later 3/25/16 looking through my old drafts saying damn that wall fell down so long ago I didn’t even remember it. The pressure lifted, you learned laughed and made it. It feels good to make it.


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